You Know You're An Astronut If...
Courtesy of the Beaver Valley Astronomy Club's Stargazer's Gazette.
- You plan all your vacations around New Moon.
- You can't recognize any of your friends in the daylight.
- You have a dog named Sirius.
- The first thing you do when buying a new car is measure the back seat to make sure your scope will fit.
- Your PIN number is your favorite NGC object.
- You start talking like Jack Horkheimer around your co-workers.
- You buy a surface-to-air missile launcher because you're tired of planes ruining your photos.
- You force the Greyhound driver to pull over at gunpoint because a comet is rising.
- You hate Christmas because of all the extra lights.
- You can identify 8 species of owl by their calls.
- You replace your car's headlights with red bulbs.
- You try to buy a Nagler with food stamps.
- You thought the movie "Space Jam" was a documentary about the early universe.
- You fantasize about showing Saturn to Sharon Stone ("Oooo! It's so BIG!").
- You buy your kid a 20-inch "starter scope" for his sixth birthday.
- You know all the Greek lower case letters, but none of the upper case.
- You ask your friend if she'll sew you a big black hood without any eyeholes for your birthday.
- You have to explain to the police why you were prowling around wearing a black hood without any eyeholes.
- You ask a complete stranger if you can use his bean field next Friday night.
- You travel to Namibia for the Gamma Normids every year.
- You have a copy of "Norton's" in your gym locker.
- You've been looking forward to an occultation of SAO95788 by asteroid 354 Eleonora for three months.
- You become nervous when it is discovered that the "BB-gun Streetlight Vandal" only strikes around New Moon.
- You become really nervous when your wife finds BB's in your pants pockets while doing the laundry.
- You spend 18 hours on your weekend teaching your dog to hold a hair dryer in his teeth while standing on a bar stool. ("Why are you teaching Sirius to do that, Daddy?")
- The kids can't come on the Grand Canyon vacation because "there'd be no room for the scope!"
- You're coming home when your neighbor's getting up to go fishing.
- You buy your kid a Clyde Tombaugh lunchbox (R.I.P., Mr. T).
- You find yourself compulsively checking out the telescope section at Toys R Us.
- You've gone through three lawn chairs in the past two years.
- You've read this far, and we've been describing your life!
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